
It is morally wrong to allow a fool to keep his money.

Nice guys don't finish nice.

Profanity is the language all programmers know best.

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but will usually pick himself up
and continue on.

Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.

I don't care if I am rich or not, so long as I have everything I want and can
live comfortably.

A Smith & Wesson beats Four Aces.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

If builders built houses the way programmers write programs, the first
wood-pecker that came along would destroy civilization.

Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tommorow.

If you can't convince them, confuse the hell out of them.

NEVER argue with a fool, people might not know the difference. -- Mark Twain

It may eliminate the job if the need passes before the job can be done.

The man who smiles when something has gone wrong has thought of someone to
blame it on.

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.

Programmers get overlaid.

Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.

Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.

People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

Friction is a drag.

Your program is sick! Shoot it and put it out of it's memory!

If practice makes perfect - and nobody's perfect - why practice?

Santa's Elves are a bunch of subordinate clauses.

Go climb a gravity well.

A penny saved is ridiculous.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

That does not compute.

No problem is so formidable you can't just walk away from it.

Schizophrenia beats being alone!

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Boycott meat, suck your thumb.

He who laughs last, didn't get the joke.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

If it works, don't fix it.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Stop talking, I'm out of asprin.

Now you know what perfection looks like!

I was put on this earth to mike your life miserable.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

Women are all alike, they just have differant face.

Shock me, say something intellegent.

Wait for the right woman means having a good time with all the wrong ones.

I'll be sober tomorrow, but you'll be ugly all your life.

It's okay to be ugly, but you're over-doing it.

I'm not arrogant, I'm just better than you.

Of course I'm listening to you, can you see me yawning?

Call the vice squad! Someone's mounting a disk drive!

You scratch my tape and I'll scratch yours!

May all your PUSHes be POPped.

Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.

Eat prune yogurt for that "get up and go" feeling.

Prunes really give you a run for your money.

Orcs really aren't so bad (if you use lots of ketchup).

Drilling for oil is boring.

Tennis players have fuzzy balls.

Teachers have class.

Physicists get hadrons.

Female programmers get their bits twiddled.

Sex is like Euchre; if you don't have a partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

Midas was into golden showers.

Celibacy is NOT hereditary.

Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.

Money is the root of all wealth.

Happiness is a hard disk.

If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

It's better to copulate than never.

Any advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. - A.C. Clarke

The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the
deadline approaches.

Every task takes twice as long as you think it will take. If you double the
time you think it will take, it will actually take four times as long.

There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read
"ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE".

Estridge's Law: No matter how large and standardized the marketplace is, IBM
can redefine it.

Franklin's Law: Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will
not be dissappointed.

Hoare's Law of Large Programs: Inside every large program is a small program
struggling to get out.

Wilson's Law of Programming: There is no such thing as a bug-free program.

Any given program, when running, is obsolete

If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.

The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who
must maintain it.

Make it possible from programmers to write in English, and you will find that
programmer's cannot write in English.

When all else fails, open the window, pick up the equipment, and try to hit the
guy in the plaid shirt.

Who needs brains when you've got software?

SYSTEM ERROR: INITIALIZING HARD DRIVE...

Interceptor's Law: The ability for something to totally screw up is greatly
increased when the ability to disadventage me is high.

Subdivide: to split a sandwich among friends.

Loneliness is knowing the television schedule by heart.

Short term parking is in the left lane, long term parking is in the right lane,
aircaft parking is on the second deck, and please stay off the runway.

Software: The end result of luck, violent actions, and much beer.

Happiness is life without power surges.

Happiness is life at 38.4g baud.

Those of you who think you know everything are pissing off those of us who do.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of a oncoming train.

Bumming code - what a rush!

Don't talk to me unless you're using an assembler.

Phreaking is an excuse to get arressted.

A Smartmodem often isn't.

As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.

Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.

Oh, I don't know. A blast of radiation that powerful would play merry hell with
an inhabitied system. - Louis Gridly Wu

Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.

Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.

Everything that is different is a different thing.

Everything you know is wrong!

Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.

How many weeks are there in a light year?

Those who know the least, know it the LOUDEST.

Many can rise to the occasion, but few know when to sit down.

Never try to teach a cow to sing, it wastes your time and annoys the cow.

Once an aphid, always a bug.

The meek shall inherit the Earth. That's the only way they'll get it!

The meek shall inherit the Earth. It should take us a few days to get it back.

No matter where you go. There you are!

Once I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

There is no gravity - the Earth just sucks.

When all else fails, play a lot of games.

Just when you get the last bug zapped, your computer gets zapped.

Old hackers never die, they just get arrested.

Murphy was an optimist.

It works better if you plug it in.

An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

Humans are such easy prey.

Live fast, die young. Leave a good-looking corpse.

Effect is everything.

Age and Treachery will always overcome Youth and Skill.

Get really stoned. Drink wet cememnt.

Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.

I want all of the power and none of the responibility.

The square root of Tuesday is JELL-O.

Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

To all you virgins: THANKS FOR NOTHING!

The ability to do nothing is a wondrous thing.

I'm a hacker, he's a hacker, wouldn't you like to be a hacker too?

Let go of those doughnuts or the dog gets it!

Be cool - wear your French Tickler's inside-out.

I want to be a comedian, but I'm afraid people will laugh.

Life has little to do with infinity and jelly donuts.

A beer is a terrible thing to waste.

If I want your opinion, I'll give you one first.

If you like heavy metal, drink Mercury.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you're dressed for it.

Go Ahead, Break My Cray!

You probably think I'm crazy. You're probably right.

Humpty Dumpty was Pushed!

If it works, you did something wrong.

This is not a note. This is just an opinion.

"Once upon a time there was nothing. Not even credit cards."

When in doubt, go incoherant.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

If it moves, kill it. If it doesn't, hit it once and make it.

You wouldn't have, by any chance, a chocolate covered lobster?

Without illogic there would be no sense of polotics.

A virgin is a terrible thing to waste!

This is not a test. Unfortunately, this is an exam.

Life IS pain; anyone who says differently is selling something.

Pain is nature's way of telling you to CUT IT OUT!

Only he who belives he is in a square room will find the corner.

To upgrade or not to upgrade, that is the question.

Elvis is everywhere!

Clean up that line noise when you're done.

Fish need love too!

Mothers Day: Nine months after fathers day.

Macho: Jogging home from your own vasectomy

Everyone here's crazy but you and I, and I'm not so sure about you.

Naked is dirty. Nude is art.

Hey you!!! Quit picking your nose!!!

WARNING: Life may be hazardous to your health.

Suffer not a looser to live.

Why don't you stand up and give your brain a rest?

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

If you've got no place to go, I could suggest one.

A brain isn't everything. In your case it's nothing.

Broaden your mind. Put a stick of dynamite in each ear.

I heard you just had an idea - must be beginner's luck.

Under no conditions does Jell-o become a true solid.

Ever wonder why you can't write games like that?

Brainwave Turbulance: When you start to... um... ah... say...

How many sides does a scribble have?

One good thing about checkers is that you are always getting jumped.

Oooops! I'm sorry. I thought this was the defense department.

Everything is possible, but improbable.

Why don't they wear mini-skirts anymore?

I want a baud rate so fast it melts the phone cable!

Desperate: Using wart remover on acne.

Everything is possible, but I wouldn't try it.

The best things learned are the ones after you know it all.

So many pedestrians, so little time.

DANGER: Flammable when mixed with open flame.

Whenever you think things can't get worse, watch out!

WARNING: Living on the Earth causes cancer.

I dream in infrared.

Another microsecond down the drain...

Bartender, I'll have what the man on the floor is having.

Real hackers program in machine code!

If you don't know what you're doing, READ THE DIRECTIONS!

It's like trying to nail jelly to the wall, it won't stick!

Irritating the sysop is a good way to find out what Hell is like.

It's not how you win or loose, it's how you sector-edit the game.

Do you eat ants? <crunch!> Neither do I.

I've got a drinking problem: Two hands, one mouth.

Is a mouse like some major bug in a program or what?

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

Drive Offencively: The life you save may be your own.

If you can't hear, you're deaf.

Fantasy is reality, however reality is bunk.

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.

You MUST be propperly attired at all times under penalty of law.

You win some, you lose more.

He who puts foot in mouth, gets athelete's tongue.

Speak loudly and carry a big battleaxe.

"What we have here is a total lack of respect for the law!"

Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep 'till noon!

Have Cray, will travel.

An axe blow a day keeps the Mages away.

I hate magic oozers.

Elvis is alive. He's hiding in my basement.

Limited warranty in most areas.

What's the point?

I have a problem with carbon-based life forms.

Orcs with lice make for lousy orcs.

A mind is a terriable thing to taste.

What does "Colder than hell" really mean?

Whatever happened to one night stands...

Who was that topless woman at your house last night?

What's YOUR point?

I have 64 different personalities. Each schizo. How about you?

Only one "being" exist. The rest, figments of my imagination.

Where am I?

King's Pawn to Queen's Level Three.

Push to reset.

Just when you thought the fun was over...

Words are transitory, but ideas last forever.

Suffering from terminal madness yet?

Most programmers are bald. This is due to their habit of ripping clumps of hair
out when bugs occur. Which is often.

Beer drinkers must not stray too far from the bathroom. Spitoons are for
spitting.

Our credit manager is Helen Waite. Those wishing credit must go to Helen Waite.

Lie, cheat, steal, and leave the tolet seat up.

Thought is the downfall of humanity.

Is there life after birth?

Thought is your mind's way of making you look stupid.

Peace sells, but who's buying?

Jesus saves, but who's dying?

A friend in need is a pest indeed.

If life is a marathon, then we better start training...

A fair exchange is not or cannot be called a robbery.

WAR: A method of determining not who is right, but who is left.

If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.

To err is human, but it takes a computer to really mess things up.

If you can read this, you don't need glasses.

STRESS:
The confusion created in one's mind when it overrides the body's basic desire
to choke the living shit out of some asshole that deperately deserves it!

RAPE: Piece without consent.

Beneath our clothes, we're all naked.

CHERRY FLOAT: A virgin on a waterbed.

When a cow laughs, does milk come up its nose?

If it's not one thing, it's two.. at least.

Jesus saves...  passes to Moses...  he shoots...  SCORES!!

If it's not anything, it's nothing.

VAGINA: The box a penis comes in.

Do a mouse a favor - eat a pussy!

